i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
