great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize