Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
