Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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