I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
