What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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