u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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