We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
