My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
