This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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