went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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