my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
well you can't waste a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize