you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
