Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
