I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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