sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
