I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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