new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
