girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
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can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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