apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
