my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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