cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
