Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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