she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
