So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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