you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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