we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
