guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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