So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
