im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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