chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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