I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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