bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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