she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
