Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
