Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she was so not down for the gang bang
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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