Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
