remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
