dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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