I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
