just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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