there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
