You smell like a Billy Joel song
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
