this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So much rum. So many feels.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
