I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
