why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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