woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
