I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
