Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
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I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize