Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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