While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
