Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
