I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.