I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.