Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
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if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.