My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
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you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
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I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?