youre lurking in front of me
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.