drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
