Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it