the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.