There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"