Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
