Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
