i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize