1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
