I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Four minutes until I can fart!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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