pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This is classic penis vs brain.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
