based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
