South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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