Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize