Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
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I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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