So many bounce houses so little time
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
