how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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