So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Also, beer. Big fan.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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