So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
