Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
