If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
