i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
