i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
