My hand turned me down
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
